A common theme that is brought up in counseling this time of year is navigating guilt trips, which are unhealthy patterns of communication where guilt is used to communicate thoughts and feelings. Guilt trips are a form of control, manipulation, and bullying, are a major contributor to decreased self-esteem for the receiver, and frequently induce strong feelings of guilt and resentment toward the manipulator. These unhealthy forms of communication occur most often in close family/friend relationships because our care and affection for the guilt inducer often overrides resentment and anger which causes decreased ability to resist the manipulation.
So, what do we do when we notice someone implementing a guilt trip? Firstly, understand that they are utilizing a manipulation tactic. The faster you can recognize this pattern, the better chance of reducing negative emotions toward yourself.
Secondly, call awareness to the tactic they are using. You can call out guilt trips when you recognize them and set boundaries around communication. You can use direct and effective communication strategies such as “It is not helpful to make me feel guilty. What are you trying to communicate with me?” or “It is not okay to make me feel guilty.”
Don’t be afraid to hold them accountable to their behavior such as, “If you continue to say hurtful things to me in this way, I will need to stop this conversation.”
If you are in counseling, your therapist is a great tool for developing and practicing language that feels natural and customized to you. This pattern of communication will continue to be used because it has worked for the inducer in the past. Do not get discouraged if you must restate your boundaries several times.
Lastly, avoid trusting a manipulation technique when defining your self- worth. You can empathize with the underlying emotions that the guilt tripper is unable to communicate effectively (ex: fear, disappointment, sadness, etc.) while understanding that their feelings are not your fault.
Your counselor can help you identify strategies to help disrupt ruminating thoughts or internalization that may occur after experiencing a guilt trip.
If you notice that you implement guilt trips in your own personal communication style, please recognize the harm that you may be causing. You can communicate your feelings and needs without adding shame, blame, and guilt to the receiver. Once more, counseling can be a beneficial place to examine current communication patterns and learn how to reduce potential harm and toxicity.
Interested in starting your counseling journey to navigate healthy communication patterns?
