Practicing Self-Love
ON THE BLOG WRITTEN BY LAUREN HORLICK
It’s that time of year when the stores flood with hearts, love, and candy. For some, Valentine’s Day is a day that is celebrated and leaned into. For others, it can be a triggering day that brings up a variety of emotions. With the number of store reminders, ignoring thoughts regarding past relationships and experiences can be challenging. It can be difficult to avoid comparison to others during this time of year, and we can quickly get stuck in feelings of unworthiness, jealousy, and loneliness.
Incorporating self-love into every season is especially essential during periods of high activation. Social worker and author Brene Brown explains, “Practicing self-love means learning how to trust ourselves, to treat ourselves with respect, and to be kind and affectionate toward ourselves.” Prioritizing self-love improves our relationship with ourselves and others and builds a strong sense of self-worth. Let’s examine three categories of self-love: self-acceptance, self-care, and self-compassion.
Self-acceptance allows us to fully embrace who we are and is the foundation of self-trust. Self-acceptance is learning to experience everything, including perceived flaws and strengths, without fear, judgment, or rejection. This acceptance allows the creation of inner security. When inner security is established, it becomes easier to trust our emotions, abilities, and choices. When we can accept ourselves fully, it reduces the need for constant comparison and self-criticism. Instead of comparing yourself based on others’ success (which can create doubt), you begin to trust that your journey is worthwhile and valid.
Self-care is a great place to start while building respect toward yourself. Self-care is taking care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. It can involve various actions that better care for your body, such as practicing good sleep hygiene, physical exercise, and eating healthier. We can practice mentally taking care of ourselves by taking steps to manage stress and reduce the impacts of stress, self-reflecting, and finding additional support (such as counseling) when needed. We can take care of ourselves emotionally by learning to identify and acknowledge our feelings and implementing healthy coping skills to manage and interact with difficult emotions.
Self-compassion is a great way to build affection toward ourselves. Self-compassion is extending grace and kindness to yourself, especially when struggling. We all make mistakes, and often, we are our own harshest critics when making mistakes. When we practice self-compassion, we recognize that failure, suffering, and imperfection are part of the shared human experience. With self-compassion, we move away from negative self- talk in moments of difficulty and learn to encourage ourselves.
Self-love is essential and far from selfish. When you truly love yourself, you create a life that reflects your worth, values, and happiness. If you struggle with these elements of self-love, I encourage you to bring these topics up with your counselor! Remember, people will come and go in your life, but you are with yourself from the beginning to the end. Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship that we will have. Please invest in this relationship daily.