Turning Anger into Empowerment
ON THE BLOG WRITTEN BY LAUREN HORLICK
After 9,325 days of January, we have finally made it to February! January felt eternal; chances are, many things happened last month that made you angry. Anger is a meaningful emotion. Anger deserves our curiosity and attention as it signals that our needs (or others' needs) and wants aren’t being met, we are being hurt, or we are being violated somehow. When used well, anger can project us into action, which empowers us to act as agents of personal, relational, or social change. However, many of us have long been discouraged from the awareness and expression of anger, which can cause us to fall into unhelpful and unhealthy patterns with anger. Some examples of unhealthy patterns with anger include avoiding or suppressing, passive-aggressive behaviors, explosive outbursts, self-destructive behaviors, and catastrophizing. Unhealthy patterns of anger can lead to feeling helpless and powerless. So, how do we shift and start using anger in a way that empowers us?
Firstly, we need to identify that you are angry. For some, anger is so dismissed and defended that it is difficult even to recognize it. You likely fall into this category if you have difficulty remembering the last time you were angry. If you have difficulty labeling anger, thinking about times you have felt hurt, missed, guilty, or wronged is a good place to start. Reflecting on these feelings may lead you to identify some of your anger. Additionally, utilizing therapy (Wellness & Courage is happy to assist!) can help you better recognize and become familiar with this feeling.
Secondly, if you realize you are angry and feel activated, take time to cool down. It may be infuriating that the second step is to calm down; however, when emotional intensity runs high, we are not thinking accurately as we struggle to access our executive functioning. When we lose access to our executive functioning, we often return to patterns of unproductive and familiar ways of expressing our anger, leading us further from empowerment. If you struggle with regulating your anger, talk with a therapist to help identify coping strategies that can be adapted to your calming down routine.
Thirdly, once you have regulated your emotions, take some time to self- reflect. We easily fall into assigning blame and/or venting when anger arises. When this happens, it leaves us in a nonproductive use of our energy due to entirely focusing on changing the other person, which is not within our control. It is essential to consider how you may be a part of the scenario or problem. The following reflection questions help gain insight. What am I angry about? How can I sort out who is responsible? What do I want to change?
What is inside of my control?
Now that you are calm and have self-reflected to determine what you want, speak up and take action. Consider how you want to communicate and advocate effectively. When communicating, keep your tone calm and steady while pausing to breathe prior to responding. The more regulated you can be during communication, the more effective your outcomes tend to be. Avoiding blaming and staying focused on the present issue (instead of looking at the past) can help lower the defensiveness of who you are communicating with. Identify what action you can take to help solve the problem or bring attention to the issue. Become involved in community outreach, support groups, or local activism as a way to take action. Remember that change occurs slowly, whether in relationships, communities, or politics. Keep practicing the above steps while remembering that the person you are communicating with is also an individual with a unique set of feelings, beliefs, and histories. Be gracious towards yourself in this process. Turning anger into empowerment takes time, patience, and practice.