Holiday Gift Anxiety
ON THE BLOG WRITTEN BY LAUREN HORLICK
With holidays quickly approaching, our mental checklist of things to do seems never-ending. Our anxiety may increase as we think about the list of gifts we want to buy or have purchased already. Will my brother enjoy the book I bought for him? What if they spent way more money on my gift? Will they use the item that I am purchasing for them? I can’t afford to give them a gift. What do they think? For some, the holidays and buying gifts bring an onslaught of doubt, comparison, and high anxiety. December is usually a tough time of year with several factors impacting us: fatigue, seasonal depression, financial constraints, commercialism, distance between loved ones, feelings of isolation, unmet expectations, etc. How are we to navigate all of the above and shift back toward the intended meaning of the holidays? The holidays are supposed to offer a time of connection with loved ones, gratitude, and reflection.
Unfortunately, the emphasis on gift-giving can take us further away from these intended categories. Instead of feeling connected, we doubt if we bought enough or the right items. Instead of feeling gratitude, we may feel overwhelmed by the gift-giving process or even upset with what we have received. Instead of reflecting on ourselves, we tend to reflect on the items gifted to us. Ultimately, this can lead to an unhelpful and unhealthy cycle of emotions surrounding the holidays. Here are some ideas to help decrease anxiety surrounding giving and receiving gifts:
Tips for Giving:
Make a budget—The holidays should not deplete your wallet. Reflect on how much is reasonable and realistic for you to spend on gifts. Instead of having gifts come out of your November and December paychecks, try planning ahead. Create a habit of putting “gift funds” aside earlier in the year. By creating a budget and setting aside finances earlier, you can reduce the stress of mass spending all at once.
Reduce pressure—Remember that what you buy someone does not directly correlate to how much you care about that individual. You do not have to spend a large amount of money on a meaningful gift, and gift-giving is by no means a competition! Nor do we have to buy a gift to demonstrate our love and care for someone. There are endless ways to show loved ones that we care about them throughout the year that are not directly related to gifting.
Minimize unknowns- If you are still determining what someone would want for a gift, ask! Asking allows us to reduce the time we spend brainstorming and shopping and helps identify the needs/wants of our loved ones. Asking someone what they would want does not mean that you know them ‘less’. Asking allows others to give insight into what they may need most. If asking feels intimidating, you can always ask about categories instead. For example, “I’m thinking about what to get you this year and want to know if you would rather be gifted an experience or if you would rather receive an item needed for your home?”
Tips for Receiving:
Reducing disappointment- The holidays are not perfect, and neither are the gifts that we unwrap. There may be moments when you do not like a gift, do not receive a gift, or compare gifts with others. You are allowed to feel a variety of things during the holidays; however, remember that what someone gifts to you or doesn’t gift to you is not directly correlated to how they feel about you. Rarely, if ever, do things turn out exactly how we imagine them, and the holidays are no exception. Remind yourself that things do not have to be perfect to bring opportunities for joy. If you find your thoughts wandering or identify unhelpful thought patterns emerging, attempt to shift back into the present moment.
Creating a script for what to say- For some, unwrapping gifts can bring feelings of anxiety, awkwardness, and discomfort. It can feel hard to find something to say when these feelings arise. Having a script in mind to speak for these moments can be helpful. When opening things you do not enjoy, a script can become more critical than ever. My go-to script is to include the following: description (be specific about what you unwrapped), acknowledgment or application (recognize what they have considered in their gift selection or how you can apply it in the future), and gratitude (thanking them). This script may sound like, “A fuzzy pink robe; you remembered me mentioning that I needed a new one! Thank you!” Brainstorm a script that feels natural to you before being in these moments.
If you feel incredibly anxious about holiday gifting, we encourage you to bring this up with your counselor! Your counselor can help identify tools and strategies that you can use to navigate the holiday season more easily. Please remember that gifting is not the only reason for joy behind holidays. Our team wishes you the best as you navigate any holiday in the future.
If you don’t already have a counselor, we would be happy to help you get that healing journey started for you! Click below to request an appointment.