Common Humanity: You Are Not Alone

 

ON THE BLOG WRITTEN BY LAUREN HORLICK

When reading our blogs, newsletters, and social media posts, you will notice that we often repeat a phrase: you are not alone. We repeat this phrase constantly to help reconnect us back with common humanity: the idea that all humans share similar aspects and emotions of the human experience. Here are a couple of categories in which recentering to common humanity is useful:

Breaking up Isolation: When we connect to common humanity, we shift from feeling isolated to feeling connected. Logically, we know that, as humans, countless things can go wrong at any given time. Hardships and life stressors are inescapable. When emotions are at a heightened state, we are no longer thinking rationally and logically and will often feel that we are alone in our hardships and pain. In actuality, we are not alone. Many individuals have navigated the same or similar situations and hardships. When we feel isolated in an experience, we are less likely to reach out for help or support, which further isolates us. Connecting to common humanity makes us feel more empowered and comfortable sharing our hardships and seeking support.

Combating Cognitive Distortions: In cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), there are common cognitive distortions that individuals may engage in, such as:

  • black- and-white thinking |“I never do anything right.”

  • jumping to conclusions | “I know I am going to fail my driver’s test.”

  • “should-ing” and “must-ing” | “I should’ve lost weight by now.”

  • personalization | “This is all my fault.”

  • overgeneralization | “I’ll never acheive my goals.”

  • mental filtering (or focusing on the negative) | “I am a failure at maintaining relationships. I can never do anything right.”

  • magnification (highlighting the negative) and minimization (down-playing the positive) | “I only got you one gift for your birthday.”

  • comparison | “All of my friends are more successful than me.”

  • fortune-telling | “I am going to get lost on this trip.”

  • disqualifying the positive | “Making an A on that test was pure luck.”

  • labeling | “I’m just a fat slob.”

  • catastrophizing | “My husband and I got into our first fight. I guess I need to prepare for a divorce.”

We default to cognitive distortions when we forget to include all the information. By connecting to common humanity, we expand upon the information we include in our thoughts and are more likely to break out of cognitive distortions. When we break out of cognitive distortions, we can reduce ruminating thoughts and shift back to what is inside of our control.

Increasing Self-Compassion: The word compassion means “to suffer with,” and connecting with other people is an essential part of the experience. Kristin Neff identified three components of self-compassion: self-kindness vs. judgment, common humanity vs. isolation, and mindfulness vs. over- identification. When looking at common humanity vs isolation, Neff notices, “self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience – something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone.” Recognizing common humanity makes us less likely to respond to ourselves with shame and defeat. Shame causes us to feel fundamentally flawed, leading to a variety of negative side effects such as a sense of doubt, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, increased anxiety & depression, etc. Common humanity allows us to reconnect to a common experience without bringing additional shame, blame, and guilt. Reducing our shame is a huge portion of self-compassion.

Next time you are experiencing life difficulties and intense emotions or feelings, please remind yourself that you are not alone. You are not alone in feeling this way. You are not alone in navigating this situation, as many have navigated similar situations in the past, and many will navigate similar situations in the future.

Therapy offers a place to share hardships and seek support. If you feel alone, please call our office and start counseling services. You are not alone, and with support, you will navigate life’s unavoidable difficulties and stressors.

 
Jamy Hunter